i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
