I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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