im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
