Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...