He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life