I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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