are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it