Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
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At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
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You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you remember whose house we're in?