I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
