last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
