i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
