I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
