don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
