I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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