Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
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Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.