So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
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Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I will pee on everything he values.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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