So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
