do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
