I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
