I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
