His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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