1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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