College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
a search helicopter?!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
