I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
