i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
a search helicopter?!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
