the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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