She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
