from now on my penis is your penis
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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