Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
