im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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