i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
