he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
