is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
