Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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