What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
