is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
