Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
