why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
