Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
