Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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