I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
