well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
