the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
