you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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