forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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