11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
