dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
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i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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