We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
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I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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