i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
