Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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