we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
bring money and cleavage
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
