i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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