i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
