I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
