Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
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she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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