4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
