obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
