Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
