Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
