I wish life had little blips of pornography
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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