You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
