Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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