I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
