idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
