How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
