the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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